An Orphan No More.
As I sat there watching this little girl wrestle with feeling safe and secure, my heart was breaking. My heart was breaking because the reality is, she has a new family, one who has taken her in and has adopted her as their own. They chose her, they accepted her as she was, and they love her incredibly well, much more than she could even understand or imagine.
As she paces the floor in the kitchen thinking about all the concerns and worries of her mind - how long she will be able to stay in this home, what will she eat, what will happen if she needs something new, what if she does something wrong or doesn't like something, what if she gets sick, and so many other questions, - she fails to realize that her Papa is standing right there. He is standing there telling her to come sit down and to talk to him. He is willing to listen and take care of her needs, but he cannot get her to just sit down, talk to him, and breathe.
She hears him calling her name and inviting her over to sit down and rest. She has heard him day after day tell her she has nothing to worry about and that he will take care of her. She knows the promises that her new dad has told her. She knows in her head that all will ultimately be okay, at least she hoped, but she did not know how to truly believe his words. She continued to pace the floors and wrestle with all the what-if scenarios which filled her mind. Yes, she knew she was safe, but she did not know how to believe it in all the little moments of the day.
She took off to her room. She only knew how to hide and stick to herself. I heard her slam the door and just cry.
It was evident she was afraid. It was evident her little heart and mind just could not believe that her new home, new family, and new reality was truly safe. For so long she had had to be concerned with all the little details; she was so used to survival mode. The people she had trusted the most and who were supposed to take care of her, support her, fight for her, and love her the most were all too busy, walked away, hurt her, and betrayed her. It was during those early years of her life that she made the realization that she could not depend on anyone else and that it was her against the world. She would just have to take care of herself and all of her needs. She would just be who everyone else wanted or needed her to be so that she could at least have a little bit of safety and certainty. If she learned how to please them and be who they needed, then they would always want and need her. It was at least worth a try.
However, years down the road, when she is in the safest environment she could ever need or imagine, she did not know how to rest. She did not know how to let her guard down to trust and believe that she, herself, was accepted, chosen, and loved exactly as she was. She did not know how to not strive or perform for herself or others. She did not understand how to live worry free, believing that everything she could ever need would be taken care of because she was loved beyond measure.
So, there she was, sitting alone in her room, crying with the door shut, and waiting to get herself together in order to come back out with the family. All by herself and in the place she deemed as the safest place: her mind and isolated from others.
What she did not expect, the moment she finally slowly opened the door and walked back out to the kitchen, was her Papa still sitting there at the table, waiting for her to come sit and talk to him. He did not move; he waited because it was a big deal to him. He wanted her to see that he was not going anywhere, no matter how many times she refused to come sit with him and trust his promises: to love and take care of her every need.
She saw him. She started crying again. She walked slowly to the table. Finally, she sat down. And this time she waited quietly and listened to his gentle words to her:
"My dear one, I love you. I have told you a thousand times and I will tell you a million more. I see you, I know your needs, and I am not going anywhere. I will not leave you. I will not hurt you, and I will not betray you. I will do all that I tell you I will do. Even though sometimes you will not see all that I have planned or prepared, and you might not believe that my intentions for you are good, I promise I have nothing but love and good for you. I only want the best things for you, whether that is food to eat, a gift I know you will love, a surprise trip to a place you just mentioned one time in passing, or even when I say no to your request because I have something better in mind. What I want you to know is that you were never intended to worry about all the big things in life; you are a child. You were never intended to feel like you had to carry this whole world and all of its problems on your own, while you struggled to figure out how to just keep going because the weight was overwhelming and overbearing. You were meant to enjoy life and run around carefree, knowing you were safe, seen, accepted, known, valued, heard, and loved. You were meant to feel like you belong. You are not a burden. You are chosen, and we chose you. You have been adopted and this is your new home. You are safe, and we are not going anywhere... no matter how much you run and hide and believe otherwise. You are loved, and I will always be right here by your side, ready to listen, help, and reassure you. But here's the thing, you must believe that I am who I say that I am and that I will do what I said I will do. When you choose to not believe, that is when you will be filled with anxiety, stress, fear, anger, etc. However, when you choose to believe and take me up on my words and promises, you will have nothing but peace, joy, hope, and rest. My child, oh how I love you. Will you just choose to believe me?"
Goodness, how this story describes most of us. I'd even dare say all of us. It is far too easy to forget just how much of a good Father we have. We run around thinking we are by ourselves, and we let the hurt and pain from past experiences dictate our present reality and belief system. Oh, the amount of unneeded and unnecessary emotions we wage against because we just do not choose to believe that our God is who He says He is and that He will do what He says He will do.
Friends and family, accept His invitation today. Sit down and talk to Him. Stop pacing the floors. Stop running away to hide and isolate in the "safe" place you have created, wherever that might be. Stop striving; just bring yourself. Share your concerns and let go of the overwhelming what-ifs. Bring your heart, and stop carrying the weight you were never intended to carry.
The safest place we could ever be is at the table with our Father: breathing, resting, talking, and listening. He has nothing but goodness to give us: love, joy, patience, comfort, strength, hope, rest, peace, and so much more. Believe Him today. You are no longer an orphan; you are an adopted son/daughter of the King, who chose you, loves you, and will always take the best care of you.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love, he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." - Ephesians 1:3-6
Soli Deo gloria.